Greetings from Your Apartment’s Previous Tenant, who Still Gets Increasingly Distressing Mail at Your Place

This is nothing, get a look at my email adress.

The Tusk

pile-of-mail

Heyyy! Thank you so much for texting me about the mail. Your concern is really touching. And I wish I was always able to answer texts. Sometimes my phone will fall into a sewer grate or an alligator’s mouth, or sometimes I’ll just need to take a break from all the “text text text” we humans do nowadays, you know what I mean? It’s like, get out there and really live life! Look at the sky! Have an orgy! Get shot into outer space on an illegal, experimental rocketship!

And I’m sorry about the way I left the apartment before I moved in. Please tell me you left the hall closet as is in case I ever decided to get in touch with you. At some point I am going to need to pick up my gimp suit, antique musket collection, my letters from Commodore Morales, and Alfred (that’s the albino…

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